The high cost of saying yes versus the risk of saying no.
There is much to be said in favour of a receptive demeanour and a can-do attitude, but, inevitably, over the course of your professional life, situations will arise when a confident and well-reasoned “no” will yield the greatest payoff. Knowing when to decline an opportunity or a commitment and how to do it gracefully are skills worth cultivating. They play a crucial role in a successful strategy for career or business development. Whether it’s a matter of turning down an offer, quitting a job, or firing a client, mastery of the art of saying no makes it possible to make astute choices and to realize plans and ambitions.
It takes focus to execute a strategic plan to its desired completion. It requires an ability to distinguish between activities that will advance the end goals of the plan from those that hinder its accomplishment; it calls for courage and discipline to choose between them. It’s as simple a concept as avoiding distraction in the pursuit of a goal, but it’s also as complex as evaluating risk under conditions of uncertainty. Often we cannot determine the consequences of saying no before we do it, so naturally doing so represents a risk, and saying yes seems safer and makes us appear agreeable, at least superficially. But saying yes when we should say no – when we are not interested, or too busy, or under-qualified – threatens to sour business relationships and thwart carefully laid career plans.
Reframing No
While it’s true that both saying and hearing “yes” are more pleasant than the alternative, your delivery can make a significant difference in how your “no” is received. First of all, mentally reframe your answer as an active step you are taking toward the achievement of a goal instead of as a passive rejection. You are saying no to one thing in order to pursue another, even if, at the time of your response, you might not know what you intend to do next. Emphasize the risk taken and how it will promote your larger plan.
When you are ready to give your answer from a position of strength, follow these tips to make the experience as positive as it can be for all involved:
- Be prompt. It’s courteous to reply without delay in order to allow the other person to move on to new prospects.
- Be firm. Answer clearly and make sure your reply is understood. Express regret if you like, but avoid becoming defensive. Repeat yourself, if necessary.
- Be helpful. Offer a referral or solution where appropriate.
- Be honest, but tactful. Outline your reasons for saying no in constructive terms by focusing on your own plans and priorities. No need to elaborate on the ways in which the job or request is unattractive to you.
- Show gratitude. The words “thank you” can help dull the sting of rejection and preserve a sense of cordiality in the proceedings.
- Be friendly. Departures, disagreements, and refusals do not always mark the end of a relationship. The “no” you deliver with consideration and clarity could turn into a “yes” under different circumstances as long as all parties still trust each other and are willing to re-engage in future.
All of the obvious common sense advice applies in situations where you need to say no. Treating others with respect and regard for their objectives will minimize disappointment and prevent unnecessary conflict.
Most of us are familiar with the caution that we are more likely to regret the things we didn’t do than those we did. But perspective is everything. If saying yes means staying in a job where you are stagnating, or wasting time and resources on an unrewarding task, or otherwise occupying yourself and others fruitlessly, its cost can be measured in missed opportunities: a better job, a more lucrative client relationship, a more balanced work life. An injudicious “yes” effectively undermines your authority to set your own priorities. A habit of saying yes indiscriminately can derail the type of growth you envision for your career.